True Lies (1994)

James Bond meets "Junior". The Governator stars in a spy-thriller with an everyday twist. Can he save the world and his family the same week? Yeah, I agree. Not a brilliant tagline. 

Though Arnie works really hard to add some suave to his character, that really isn't his strong suit. Cameron does know this, however and tries equally had to make it work. And some of the time it works really well, particularly when Cameron is able to insert some aloof arrogance and calm skill in situations of distress. Jamie Lee Curtis on the other hand, is wasted for a long time. As a homely, clumsy and insecure housewife, she is not playing to her strengths either. As the film, and her character, progresses, she does find her footing and adds a bit of spunk towards the end. The scene where she goes from housewife to high-end prostitute is very nice though, and a perfect (literal) transformation. Tom Arnold is excellent though. With just the right blend of everyday working man and comical agent with control of all aspects, generally a believable and jovial colleague, regardless of one's occupation. And a funny asshole at times. Those are priceless! Kudos to Bill Paxton for being a total sleezebag too, moustache and all. He brings out the best of repressed hate and anger from Arnie, very amusing. 

Unfortunately, Cameron doesn't stop at that, entering a prolonged jealousy frenzy that takes up a lot of time and focus without ever giving anything back. And a 2 hours, 21 minutes, you really need to do better editing than that. That there is no real villain, nor henchman for that matter, is another disappointment. All action-flicks need villains and henchmen of quality, and though Tia Carrera is delectable in her dresses and has a sly smile, she shouldn't have to be the best baddie here. Furthermore, as the action takes over, the film looses a lot of its positive traits. 

So the comedy is a bit good (at least in the first third), a bit bad, and mostly decent. The action is 90's in the sense that there is an utter excess of bullets and explosions, and aiming worse than a Stormtrooper. James Cameron is usually not bad at suspense, but doesn't really hit a good note in that respect here. Perhaps because he tries to insert too much humour in his chases, taking the edge off. But even though it's a bit hit & miss, and too long to really flow nicely, it's slick and entertaining. The ending is crap on a wheat cracker, though. 

5/10

Kingsman: The Golden Circle (2017)

Since the first made money, a sequel was absolutely inevitable. So was it worth the wait?

On the bright side, they have  a stellar cast. Joining Egerton, Strong and Firth are Julianna Moore, Jeff Bridges, Hally Berry, Channing Tatum and Elton John. On the not so bright side, none of them really leave a mark on this film. Berry is so unnecessary, it's staggering. The first instalments best feature was the swagger of Colin Firth, so why they would make him into a fumbling baboon this time around, is a question of mythic proportions, and a huge letdown. Moore deserves a bit of credit for showing restraint over a role that could easily have been cartoonish and irritating. Other than that they're mainly there to make the film cooler. Simply by showing up.

But Vaughn does know cool and he works very hard (sometimes too hard) to provide it. There are so many variations of cameraspeeds and -angles, that at times it's just tiresome to watch. Most of the time, the action and set-pieces are absolutely state of the art though. And since it takes about 20 seconds for the first huge action-scene to start, it's impossible to be bored. The part where Vaughn has improved upon the original is in tension. Whereas the original was just action and speed, this one has suspense and I caught myself at the edge of the seat several times.

Humour however seems to have been virtually forgotten. Though it had one brilliant oneliner, the lack of a feisty Firth sets it back many steps. Egerton has the cheeky look, but his lines aren't good enough and neither are anyone else's, quite frankly. And since this genre really needs some tongue-in-cheek, it is a matter of concern that this film comes up so short. The idea of a sister-company in USA is actually quite clever though. Not bad in a genre where good ideas mostly dried up years ago.

Henry Jackman's music is a bit too frantic, and at times so stolen (from himself and Elfman) it's a miracle he didn't have to pay for copyright. Much of the time it fits OK, as long as you don't already have a headache. Vaughn continues to blend in modern music at a hit-and-miss ratio. The best uses of modern music here by far is Elton John's "Saturday Nights alright for fighting" and Buddy Holly's "Raining in my Heart"

But Vaughn still has brilliant attention to detail, and there are a couple of gems for the extra alert viewer. Such as the fact that every car in Saville Row is of British make. How perfectly fitting.

At 2.21 they have enough action scenes, but nowhere near enough dialogue and script for what they've set out to do. But you are highly entertained for most of the time, though your brain is likely to ask for breaks the next 12 hours due to stimulation overload.

6/10

Dunkirk (2017)

It's hard to evaluate a film that has no real protagonist. Hell, most of the characters in this instalment by Christopher Nolan isn't even mentioned by name. That's a huge chance to take as you risk the audience not caring as much about what actually happens to the characters.

No worries, though. Nolan is always in control and he has a plan. This movie is end-to-end tension and excitement as he never lets up for more than a minute. Particularly the last hour is exasperating to watch as there is so much going on at the same time, so many hail Mary's and so much devastation that it leaves you quite flabbergasted. And I do love a film that demands you sit up and pay attention.

But back to the lack of stories for characters. There are no cut-ins of grieving widows (We were Soldiers), no look back from old silly sodds (Saving Private Ryan) no bonding with your mates over drugs or fatigue (Platoon and Saving Private Ryan) and no lingering mothers waiting for their sons by the stow (also Saving Private Ryan, Spielberg always was a sucker for sentimentality). And there is no McGuffin or someone to save as it's all about waiting to be evacuated and constant survival under horrible circumstances. What you get is war. And masses. Not to mention water. Combining the latter two, means there is a lot of drowning, panic and claustrophobia. It's absolutely riveting, in a rather horrible way.

It's refreshing for a director to cast aside all convention and just make a film that is utterly realistic and direct in what it does. And he really does his research here. He does not fall into the trap of endless gasoline bombs, heroic gestures nor quid pro quo. The bombs are mostly very loud thuds, and he makes good use of the single, narrow strip of smoke from a hit fighter jet. Even the music is stripped to a bare minimum as Zimmer bombards us with either very short or excruciatingly long notes, often by a single instrument. Perfect to the film, but most likely tiresome on a CD.

The cutting of scenes is at times a bit back and forth chronologically, adding to all you need to pay attention to. But it's essential for the flow of the film, which is quite frankly state of the art.

This is an wonderful example of an idea executed to perfection. No compromises, no sidestepping, just raw power presented in a brilliantly a methodically meticulous manner.

It's not a classic but it is a very bold and different film, done right to the letter.

9/10

The Mummy (2017)

As they've had a recent franchise called "The Mummy" the last decade, starring Brendan Fraser, one would think that Hollywood had at least a slight pinch of creativity and name this something else. Alas not. Hollywood has made this film for those whose memories (and most other cognitive functions) are limited, and hence it doesn't matter. Nothing does it would appear. Just google "The Mummy" and see how long you have to scroll to find a reference to this flick.

Is Tom Cruise getting old?.Why else would he make this? He never made anything so oafish before. Low on quality, yes, but nothing that doesn't even try. In this film he has a nothing of a character. Not only has it been done to death in other movies, but Nick Morton lacks depth. So he's a scoundrel and a thief, and a Navy SEAL (of course). But who does that make him? And how does he develop from who he was at the start of the film until the end? He doesn't really do either. He just uses basic survival instincts as time goes by. Which is fine if you're Chuck Norris in the eighties. And we all know that a loveable scoundrel has the most wicked smile and an exceptional tongue-in-cheek personality. Cruise has neither here, making you miss both aforementioned Fraser, but also Harrison Ford. Hell, even Norris and Bronson would use a trademark scowl and get off a couple of one-liners to make you smirk.

Worse is the fact that his chemistry with the woefully cast Annabelle Wallis is absolutely non-existent. No one wonders, or cares, if the two hate each other or kiss. Not even the director it appears, as he refuses to give any action on either part. Cruise should instead look to Russell Crowe (or himself in Magnolia) for how you age with style. Crowe has a small part with some good lines and makes a full meal out of it. A thoroughly joyous performance for all to behold. And even clever.

As for action there is plenty, and unless you're too busy rolling your eyes, you won't fall asleep. Kurtzman also manages to keep a consistent tone to the film (though grey both metaphorically and in filters), and a decent flow. The story is more or less the same as all the other Mummy-movies: Something dark happened long ago, now we did something stupid and woke something. "Ooooops" and "O my" for all.

So that leaves us with the fact that Tom Cruise has made a shockingly bad career-move and accepted a part that plays to none of his strengths and most of his weaknesses. Thus he hangs to dry, though with millions of dollars from your pockets. Clever sod. As it is, this is a soulless movie that has no other intention than stealing your money and almost two hours of your life.

3/10

Big Fish (2003)

So can Tim Burton make a decent film that isn't goth and doesn't star Johnny Depp? It turns out that's what he should have been doing since "Batman Returns".

Burton commissioned Eddie Vedder to make a song for this flick, and reportedly the entire band was blown away by the story. Fitting then, that Pearl Jam's "Man of the Hour" is such a perfectly contrasted end to Burton's colourful story, with its down to earth melody and, under the circumstances, heart-breaking lyrics. Nominated for a Golden Globe, ridiculously losing out to Annie Lennox.

And the story does baffle. It could so easily have been dismissed as stupid and silly, so easily overacted (particularly if Depp had to do yet another Burton). But Burton holds it together by a thread, with a breathtaking cast, so meticulously selected I doubt any pundits can make a cry for an improvement. And he even manages to show us how aware he was of the tight rope he was walking in the final scenes. Kudos.

Though McGregor is fantastic as the determined, optimistic nice guy Edward Bloom of his youth, it's the current day cast that excels. Albert Finney is at his utter finest, the old shining beacon of a man slowly extinguishing with his ever supportive wife (a brilliant Jessica Lange) and estranged son (the always underrated Billy Crudup), there for all too different purposes in his final days. Who knew that Burton was able of such exceptional displays of everyday toil and love. Watch carefully for the scene with Lange and Finney in the tub. Lovely.

That Burton spices the cast with exceptional cameos for Steve Buscemi, Danny DeVito and Marion Cotillard can only be to further joy.

Burton cuts perfectly between past and present, life and death, (semi)-fantasy and reality, balancing the frustrated son perfectly with his creative and eager father, partly through the diplomat-wife with 30 years of experience cancelling out the two stubborn men in her life.

If I was to nitpick, I would have to point out that Burton could also have left out Helena Bonham-Carter as she is all to familiar to his tones, and we are to her impact in his films, and there are a couple of scenes where McGregor could have benefited from tighter directing.

Other than that, this is perhaps Burton's finest work, his usual grand scenography actually coupled with a loyalty to the story and an amazing cast.

9/10

Swordfish (2001)

An intro where John Travolta discusses an alternate take on "Dog Day Afternoon" with Don Cheadle... Bold. The immediate twist is quite titillating, though and sets up what is undeniably a very cool flick.

Another thing it does well is tension. There are some excellent build-ups (particularly early on) that keep you on the edge of your seat. They even have a lot of originality and tongue-in-cheek during scenes. Always a welcome feeling during movies.

Chemistry in the cast is excellent. Not only between Jackman and the brilliant Travolta, but also Hally Berry (never sexier than here) and aforementioned Jackman. It's particularly entertaining to see her flaunt her sexuality and self-assuredness one step too long and have Jackman toss her down a flight of stairs. Travolta as utterly cool and ruthless with the greater goal in mind, is always a treat.

Dominic Sena also creates a very nice "out of this world"-world, though he uses a lot of booty and titties with green filters and crap techno and rap in order to do so. But as a man, I suppose it would be ungrateful to whine over excess of booty.

The part of the daughter is a stupid and unnecessary. It's been done hundreds of times, adds very little to the story, and even less to the characters. Other than establishing the protagonist's motives as noble, which is nailed into the ground by making his ex a drug-addict pornstar that constantly neglects their child. And that his unlawfulness was naturally justified. So the point of travelling a yard is made with a Sherman M4. Why, oh why...

Furthermore they make Jackman into a bit much of a rugged macho-man to pass as a credible computer hacker. Particularly ambivalent as he is a whimpering pussy whenever there's action. And action is plenty. It is nicely portioned and quite entertaining a lot of the time, before it overshoots horribly towards the end.

That's mainly nitpicking a film that really doesn't take itself too seriously, though. It wants to be sleek, cool and entertaining. And it succeeds for most of its 96 minutes.

7/10
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Green Hornet (2011)

Over the years, many different superheroes have assumed many different types and characters. Superman is your boring boyscout, Batman and Wolverine your dark, lonely antihero, and some are just playful and funny (Iron Man and Deadpool). So say hello to Britt Reid, aka the Green Hornet. He's a self-righteous, stupid and egotistical douche. With no powers and no other skills.

Had he been for a short while and grown, it would have been predictable but OK. But in the hands of the inept Seth Rogen he is actually an outright jerk throughout. And a jerk that has his Asian sidekick do everything from make his perfect coffee to kick his asses for him.

Though director Gondry does fail miserably in both casting and building of character, it is nowhere near his only mistake. I have no idea what he is trying to do with Cameron Diaz here. Naturally both men want her, so we get an unnecessary and annoying drama done to death there. But she wants none of them, adds nothing to any part of the story, and generally seems like she is doing a voiceover for Tom & Jerry skit. Awful.

The story lacks any originality, the characters are bad and Christoph Waltz looks like Hugo Weaving in "Priscilla - Queen of the Desert". And without a good cast, or even a decent villain, this is bad. It does have an awesome car, and the very capable Cato makes the prop-department exert some creativity. And dark green filters make a rather cool stylistic view. But when you have to point that out as a redeeming trait, there really isn't enough.

Not as bad as "Fantastic Four", but Seth Rogen might have done the opposite for Green Hornet that Ryan Reynolds did for Deadpool, though ironically the same that Ryan Reynolds did for Green Lantern. Stay away

2/10