The Mummy (2017)

As they've had a recent franchise called "The Mummy" the last decade, starring Brendan Fraser, one would think that Hollywood had at least a slight pinch of creativity and name this something else. Alas not. Hollywood has made this film for those whose memories (and most other cognitive functions) are limited, and hence it doesn't matter. Nothing does it would appear. Just google "The Mummy" and see how long you have to scroll to find a reference to this flick.

Is Tom Cruise getting old?.Why else would he make this? He never made anything so oafish before. Low on quality, yes, but nothing that doesn't even try. In this film he has a nothing of a character. Not only has it been done to death in other movies, but Nick Morton lacks depth. So he's a scoundrel and a thief, and a Navy SEAL (of course). But who does that make him? And how does he develop from who he was at the start of the film until the end? He doesn't really do either. He just uses basic survival instincts as time goes by. Which is fine if you're Chuck Norris in the eighties. And we all know that a loveable scoundrel has the most wicked smile and an exceptional tongue-in-cheek personality. Cruise has neither here, making you miss both aforementioned Fraser, but also Harrison Ford. Hell, even Norris and Bronson would use a trademark scowl and get off a couple of one-liners to make you smirk.

Worse is the fact that his chemistry with the woefully cast Annabelle Wallis is absolutely non-existent. No one wonders, or cares, if the two hate each other or kiss. Not even the director it appears, as he refuses to give any action on either part. Cruise should instead look to Russell Crowe (or himself in Magnolia) for how you age with style. Crowe has a small part with some good lines and makes a full meal out of it. A thoroughly joyous performance for all to behold. And even clever.

As for action there is plenty, and unless you're too busy rolling your eyes, you won't fall asleep. Kurtzman also manages to keep a consistent tone to the film (though grey both metaphorically and in filters), and a decent flow. The story is more or less the same as all the other Mummy-movies: Something dark happened long ago, now we did something stupid and woke something. "Ooooops" and "O my" for all.

So that leaves us with the fact that Tom Cruise has made a shockingly bad career-move and accepted a part that plays to none of his strengths and most of his weaknesses. Thus he hangs to dry, though with millions of dollars from your pockets. Clever sod. As it is, this is a soulless movie that has no other intention than stealing your money and almost two hours of your life.

3/10