Tango & Cash (1989)

Another testosterone-based cop-movie in the Starsky & Hutch genre. And they cast Stallone for the anal-retentive by-the-book part. Interesting choice. Interesting and stupid. Not as stupid as letting Stallone start the movie by hip-hop voiceover, but still.

Unlike Stallone, Russell is actually a good actor and their interaction lifts Stallone out of the usual puddle. Stallone without Russell in this flick is atrocious. His quips are just awful as his comedic timing is nowhere near good enough. Almost as bad is the fact that they cast Jack Palance as another sneering rich bad guy. He probably only saw the paycheck here and decided not to bring anything fresh. And although I adored Brion James before his early demise, his British accent here really is horrible, screwing up what could have been a somewhat memorable henchman.

Thankfully the action is never far away and that makes for decent entertainment value. At least if you're a guy. Or a woman that likes Kurt Russell. I doubt fans of Stallone can understand this movie. Or how to get dressed in the morning. The latter should suit him fine. I also enjoy the slugger-fights. No 100 lbs weaklings in pajamas swirling on leaves. Just big guys with enormous fists beating each other to a pulp. Merriment for all!

As usual in the 80's the music is synth-crap from A to Z and the only good thing about it is that Teri Hatcher strips to some of it. And since she quickly converts to drumming (!!!), that's useless as well. The story is unoriginal but apart from a couple of most peculiar set-pieces, it holds water as long you don't test it with real water.

As far as testosteron-based actionfilms starring cops, this is about average. Russell in drag doesn't help in that respect.

5/10

Dark Shadows (2012)

A common mistake when you convert a TV-series to a film is that you fail to remember how much less time you have. Unfortunately, Burton makes that mistake in a rather large scale. He simply tries to include too much in the story and there is hardly a single character, apart from Depp, that has enough about them to spark a bit of interest.

That is partly due to the fact that Eva Green simply isn't good enough for this part. Apart from her being bad, Depp is really good, making her seem even worse, and their interaction suffers. She is at her best when CGI and makeup is applied full scale and even then she only has the menace of the robot-prostitute from "Mars Attacks". And looks a lot like her.

Depp. What a brilliant actor. I was actually a bit annoyed when I heard he had accepted this part. He has done so many "weird" main characters for Burton that I anticipated another might be too much, or just more of the same. But no. He does seem to bring something extra to every character when allowed and his 200 year old gentleman combined with some moments of utter viciousness make for a most intriguing Barabas. Furthermore, the comedic timing of Depp must not go unnoticed. And this time around, he actually has some fantastic lines to work with.
As for the rest, they're really nothing but props, Burton failing to make them count as he shares their screen-time so everyone has too little.

Though this is another collaboration with Danny Elfman, Burton devotes most of the musical numbers to the 70's at a hit'n'miss ratio that makes you think they could have worked a bit harder. Watch for a fine integration of a classic Alice Cooper-track though. As for Elfman he has some nice big cellos going, much like his underrated Wolfman-score, though with a lovely theme of violins on top.

Burton still is one of the best at cinematography and iconic images and his gothic tendencies are predictably suitable here, whether it be dark cliffs in the rain or statues on top of magnificent stairs. The man does have a keen sense for detail, naturally with exception for the lacklustre "Planet of the Apes".

This movie is, as always with Burton, an aesthetically wonderful experience, but with too many elements in the story and a lack of depth to the characters, it is fun, but rather shallow fun.

6/10