The Fifth Element (1997)

Somewhere along the way someone should have told Luc Besson he was having a bit too much fun with their money. Oh. And executed Chris Tucker. I've seen a lot of movies and off the top of my head I can't come up with a single character anywhere near as annoying as Ruby Rhod. What gang of morons sat there watching this shrieking and useless little twerp embarrass even the worst of the others involved without telling the director he missed the mark by several baseball-fields? Oh well. From ranting to review.

Besson never was one for subtlety and all hints are clear on the border of the sun directly into your eyes. That's bad enough. Worse is the fact that he overdoes almost every single scene here. And he doesn't really hit the parody-genre either. Every chase, every piece of action, every sentimental or romantic scene. He seems to have to use every trick every time. Draining. Not to mention the characters. Mostly the same there, with the awful, awful Tucker and Gary Oldman serving as good examples. When you can't use Oldman for anything productive, you truly are a horrible director.

The costumes were designed by Jean-Paul Gaultier. So you have fat bouncers in skin-tight leather hotpants. The horror. In general it's exceptionally exaggerated and daft. Like most other aspects here. I have no idea if he designed the Mangalores as well, but it would make sense. They look like something Peter Jackson would toss in as an extra in "Braindead" or even "Bad Taste".

If you'd never seen Willis before, this flick could almost make you think he is underrated as a comedian. But some of the reason is likely to be that there are so many stressful and irritating characters here that Willis' more cynical and calm approach to his surroundings is most refreshing. Besides, his signs of self-loathing and self-questioning reminds me of Joe Hallenbeck. It's a good thing. Tommy Lister as the president is pretty bad., the whining mom is stupid beyond all that is comprehensible and Luke Perry just as tedious as when he was shagging Brenda.

I never really was a big fan of Eric Serra (with a couple of exceptions) and in that respect he delivers here. A most dreadful score, taking too much of the viewer's concentration, and for the wrong reasons at the wrong time. A slight exception is his little opera-piece. Who knew? This is the second best scene of the film, mostly due to the editing, though not without its flaws.

As for the entertainment value, there a lot of things going on, and you're never really bored. There are even some great set pieces. Unfortunately, Tucker as a commentator throughout the best one ruins most of the fun. Besson doesn't seem to know which genre he's in. He's too busy having fun. Too bad he didn't make it a ride the rest of us could enjoy too.

4/10

Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man (1991)

10 seconds and we already see leather jackets, titties and a guy leaving the titties with a smile in a fog of his own cigarette smoke. Naturally the next 2 minutes he drives through the desert on a hog... OK. Women need not watch. This, my friends, is as testosterone-based as the late eighties could be. In the early nineties. Then, of course, Rourke stops a hold-up at gunpoint with gritty violence before some stripping and more titties introduce Don Johnson. Within 10 minutes in total runningtime you can even add a bar fight and some knife-play. Effective entertainment indeed.

Bros before whoes is ridiculously clear in every aspect, and the story is thinner than...Hm. Well, let's say say they dumbed down the heist part of "The Blues Brothers". There are good guys (though they are clearly violent criminals and thieves) and bad guys (so bad that they have matching leather coats and a complete lack of mimics).

Although it is very normal to see Tom Sizemore as a bad, bad man, it is refreshing to see him as the boss. In a suit no less! Although he has been better. Quite a lot better. There is nothing wrong with parts of the cast here though as the leads are flanked by Chelsea Field and a suitably robot-henchman Baldwin.

There is, apart from the aforementioned chauvinism, an exceptional disregard for life among the baddies and good guys alike. But it's all in good fun, if that's a consolation. The humor isn't bad either, with Rourke's shooting an original and funny angle.

If what you're looking for is a thoroughly stupid and testosterone-based piece of sheer entertainment, well I suppose you can do better. But not clearer. A lot of these flicks were made, none quite as exceptionally high on testosterone and gasoline (bombs) and very few as low on realism. Seriously, the tagline was "It's better to be dead and cool, than alive and uncool". Oh, and their best friend's name is Jack Daniels... Johnson's woman is Virginia Slim... right....

But there are many smirks and grins and, if you're a guy, you'll never really be bored.

5/10

Saving Private Ryan (1998)

If you speak about this movie to anyone, they will all hail the opening scene. I had actually written an intro to this post on how cool the opening is. But wait. The opening scene is an absolute waste of space. Dreary, unnecessary and dumb. No, I haven't lost my mind. I just forgot. The opening scene is an old wanker in a sports jacket crying by a lawn with his family looking worried and caring (not to mention even more unnecessary) in the background. God, I abhor Spielberg for those scenes. Git.

Anyhow. After pissing me off immensely, Spielberg makes it all good with the mentioned landing in Normandy. Goodness, gracious what a war spectacle. More horrifying, direct and suspenseful than anything that had ever been shown before. Bloody and detailed without looking gory, and not without a sense of morbid humor and irony. With just the right pinch of heroism for it to be believable. Truly one of the most massive war scenes ever made. Kudos.

After this, it's mostly a gristly roadtrip. The kind without babes. And interest fades for a while. Until Spielberg shows towards the very end that he is just as good setting up a small battle in a restricted area, with smart guerrilla tactics and old-school military creativity on low tech in a stressful situation as he is with the big cannons. You take what you have. It's clever, riveting and extremely entertaining.

Don't get me wrong. As a war movie, it works. But Spielberg is a sucker for melodrama and takes it a bit too far quite a few times. The aforementioned old geezer the worst example, but there are more. The whole premise of the film is a mother having lost 4 sons, and the army sending a whole bunch to die to rescue a fifth. Spielberg takes the time to show just enough personality of each and every one in the team before they get to die heroically. While saying something brave, usually.

The cast is amazing. Not just because Spielberg uses known actors, but because he uses good actors. Hell, even Vin Diesel is cast well here. Giamatti, Fillion, Farina, Danson. They all bring a little extra to their scenes, taking some much needed focus away from Tom Hanks. He does a great figure here, but it's not about him and a volleyball, so contributions are much wanted. As for his crew, they are a bit more stereotypical, as one would expect from a Spielberg-bunch.

This flick steals quite a bit. But let's face it. Many war-movies have been made. It's impossible to be 100% original. So you can see Full Metal Jacket (though Spielberg is much more PG than Kubrick), Memphis Belle, Enemy at the Gates and many more rewritten here. Not badly, just usually not as good as the original.

John Williams lets me down here with a rather mediocre score. Personally I think I'd rather give Beltrami or Newton-Howard a go. Perhaps even Gregson-Williams.

But there is a gem of a scene here. Before the last battle, where the crew are waiting for all hell to break loose and finds solace in the words of Edith Piaf, as translated by their corporal. A lovely little thing, showing what a quality director Spielberg can be.

This is a very good war-film with some absolutely astonishing scenes. I can watch those 3 over and over again. As for the rest of it, it's just not interesting and original enough to do full justice to the fab 3.


7/10