Ocean's Eight (2018)

So after 20 years of George Clooney as Danny Ocean, is this a cool, liberating version with women showing they’re just as good? Or a hash instalment made of left-over scripts to beat the last pennies out of a concept that should have been buried?

It’s the latter, unfortunately, and all women should be a bit insulted.

First of all. Where is the chemistry? There isn’t a single pairing here that sizzles on screen. At first glance it appears that they try to establish a homoerotic connection between Bullock and Blanchett, but as they wanted to market this film as strong women doing just as good what men (apparently) do, they wisely chose to lay off that one. The laziness of the script is sincere at all corners. If you ever saw any other film, there will be no script grip you haven't seen hundreds of times before.

And the marketing department really made the director their bitch here. Bullock and Blanchett are sellable as big names as well as brilliant actresses. Other than that they seem to cast by race to appeal to all viewers and throw in Rihanna as her fans are probably willing to accept anything. And you just know they have to show off everyone (including the two that seem to frown upon such things) in beautiful dresses. Even when it makes a direct whole in the plot. I don’t see how more women in dresses at parties are empowering as the add promises. And not a single one of the characters get enough of a background to make them particularly interesting, Sarah Paulson’s Tammy particularly lazily written.

I heard some pre-teen girls giggle behind me a couple of times, and I can remember snickering and grinning twice myself. Other than that, the humour is well below adequate. And with the cast they had, why would they not trust them to make jokes? The original excelled on snappy, smart dialogue that made the film a constant grin. There is nothing in the script here to give the girls a chance to keep that going. And whereas the men’s instalments had revenge of an economic nature, the girl is of course “a woman scorned”. Another poor stereotype. Horribly written and told without any logic or depth. And I understand that this is not a film about depth. But it should be deep enough for a chihuahua to wet its tongue.

And of course, when the heist (undeniably cool and slick) is over, the franchise is true to itself with two very unnecessary twists whereof one is daft and the other is only a surprise for people who have never seen a caper-film before, or are simply too stupid to recognize a pattern. And they saved every good line for James Corden, as he appears very late in the game.

The soundtrack is mostly awful, with a horrid version of “These Boots are made for Walking” a low-point. Other than that it’s mostly overly “cool” and exhausting jazz with some annoying rhythm. A couple of cool tracks, more inspired by baroque and 60’s synth do appear though.

In the name of equality; I hope the female stars got paid as much as the men did. Because the script and direction certainly made them work for it. Hollywood’s finest actresses (and all the others on display here) deserve better than a franchise milked dry by older men.

If you want strong women and cool theft, you’re infinitely much better off with Rene Russo in “The Thomas Crown Affair”.

3/10